Well, I'm at Mass yesterday and we're singing "Holy Holy Holy", when at the 3rd verse I got tripped up. I started singing "Though the eye of sinful man...". Oh, no no no, Mr. Patriarch, that was the wrong verse - you must now go through re-training. Please visit your parish representative of Offensive Hymn Committee to Rehab All Pronouns (also known by it's acronym of Oh Crap).
After that, my mind drifted a bit. Why don't we just re-write everything:
"Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God Almighty"by Reginald Heber, 1783-1826
Holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty!Early in the morning our song shall rise to Thee;
(People who sleep late would be offended by this line)
Holy holy, holy, merciful and mighty!God in Three Persons, blessed Trinity!
Holy, holy, holy! All the saints adore Thee,
(Did they approval from members of the New Orleans football team – or their fans?)
Casting down their golden crowns around the glassy sea;
(Throwing things into the sea will upset the little fishies’ habitat!)
Cherubim and seraphim falling down before Thee,
(Drunks will fall when & where THEY want to, thank you very much)
Which wert and art and evermore shalt be.
(People with warts might read this line too quickly and become self-conscious)
Holy, holy, holy! Though the darkness hide Thee,
(Kids who play Hide-&-Seek might be traumatized by this line)
Though the eye made blind by sin thy glory may not see,
(This is the “new”, “non-offensive” verse, but is this implying that all blind people are that way due to sin?)
Only Thou art holy; there is none beside
Thee,Perfect in power, in love, and purity.
Holy, holy, holy! Lord God Almighty!
All Thy works shall praise Thy name in earth and sky and sea.
(What about people aloft in the Space Station? Or Aliens?)
Holy, holy, holy, merciful and mighty!
God in Three Persons, blessed Trinity!
And even without these Offensive Alerts, what about the whole “Holy Holy Holy” part itself? What about those who harbor a phobia of Swiss cheese?